What If
by Sophia.Love.Linstead
Summary: What if... in season 2 Erin pushed back against Hank so she could be with the man she loves.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: This was just a little idea I had rolling around in my head until I wrote it. I'm not well so I'll admit that the dialogue is bothering me a bit... ? hope you enjoy it anyway. :-)**

What if…

" _Voight knows." My heart stops briefly knowing we can't put this off any longer._

" _I know." My voice is quiet, like if he doesn't hear my reply we can pretend this never happened._

" _For the record, I don't care. I said we should have come clean a month ago and I'm gonna go talk to him right now." For a split second I almost let Jay go. Let him tell Hank all about us and see where it leads._

" _Jay…" My voice is sudden and full of anxiousness. Jay turns back to me and I see something in his eyes._

 _He's scared; deep down he knows I'm about to pull away._

" _I wish it was that easy. You know it's different for me." The excuse sounds pathetic coming from my lips and part of me hopes he will fight for me. Fight for us._

 _But I know Jay. He will respect my wishes._

 _I feel my heart break when I see the hurt in his eyes._

" _I understand." He places a hand on my shoulder and searches my glossy eyes. He brings his hand up to cup my cheek and it take everything in me not to lose it and break down._

" _So we'll cool it. But we'll always have each others back."_

" _Always." I promise, because I can't imagine my life without him._

" _Alright, well that's good enough for now." The ache in my chest increases once he's left._

 _It's cold here in the locker room. Alone. Always alone._

* * *

Jay can't possibly understand, yet he's such a nice guy that he grinned and bared it.

 _How's the coffee? It's delicious._

From the moment Hank made that comment not 3 meters from my desk I knew he knew. I sit back in my office chair staring a Jay's desk.

It's been a long day, chasing leads and now we are doing paperwork. It's barely been 24 hours since I put out the flames of our relationship.

It really was delicious.

I've never been so happy, Jay makes me feel special and I don't feel as damaged or broken when I'm with him.

He's certainly delicious in bed too… I've never felt such pleasure.

Jay is the full package. We're the real deal.

 _I remember everything, Jay._

 _I don't like telling people things twice._

My anger surges towards Hank and I turn to see him in his office, my attention is abruptly pulled back towards Ruzek as he knocks something over.

I bite my lip as I try to decide what to do…. If I have the courage to confront Hank like I spent all night thinking about.

I'm terrified, both of being transferred out of the unit and of the relationship I could have with Jay.

 _Al, I want you partnered up with Erin on this one._

I turn back and glare a Hank, was he questioning our ability to be partners or was he making it clear he knew.

Or was he just being an ass.

 _Can I give you some advice?_

 _Sure._

 _Marry a dentist._

My gaze lands back on Jay and I smile, he's scratching his head as he turns pages on his report.

He's almost done so I'm running out of time.

There are reason's why this relationship won't work, but there are so many more why it could.

It feels right and I can't imagine loving anyone like I love Jay. We haven't exchanged these three magic words yet, I wish we had.

The thought terrifies me.

I suspect Jay wanted to, it's only been a month but we have been fighting this for too long.

He wouldn't say it when there was a chance I'd run.

I've never loved anyone like I love Jay and I never will.

He feels like home and happiness.

 _Here's to plowing ahead anyway._

My conversation with Gaby comes to mind… I remember the words I ended our conversation on.

Jay looks up and catches my eye, his tilts his head and squints silently asking if I'm okay.

I just shake my head softly and he looks concerned.

Hank is staring at us through the glass window of his office and I turn my head to lock eyes defiantly.

I've made my decision and soon will know if I'm speaking with my boss or my dad.

I get up from my chair with purpose and walk towards Jay's desk; I perch on the edge of his desk.

"Hey." My voice is quiet; I'm not sure where we stand after last night.

"Hey. You okay?" His voice is as kind and understanding as always.

He always seems to want to take my pain away.

"No."

"Why? What can I do?" He's quick and he looks like he's fighting the impulse to reach out and comfort me.

"I ruined things… between us." He just blinks at me, clearly confused.

"Is it too late?" I ask when his shock has stolen his ability to speak.

"But what about Hank?" He asks when he finally finds his voice.

I just give a shoulder shrug as he gets up, gathering his items.

"Maybe we should have this conversation in private Erin."

"I just need to know Jay. Is it too late? Have I ruined us?" My voice is desperate and pleading.

I'm standing now too and looking into his eyes.

"No." Jay finally whispers and I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

"Never, Erin. I'll always be waiting for you."

I lean up and press my lips to his in a desperate kiss; my hands are on his neck and his hands briefly touch my hips.

Collective gasps are heard around the room and I hear something slam in Hank's office.

"Good. Then I'll see you at home later." I flash him a smile, knowing he has keys to my apartment.

As partners we have always had keys to the others apartment.

Jay looks around the room and to Hank before back down to me.

"Go. This is a talk for Hank and I. I'll see you soon." I squeeze his hand and watch him walk away. He pauses near the top of the stairs and looks back at me, I can still feel the shock and confusion radiating off him in waves.

I turn on my heel and walk into Hank's office, slamming the door closed behind me.

"What the hell was that?" Hank's voice is quiet, serious and deadly.

"I kissed my boyfriend goodbye. Usually I wouldn't at work but after everything yesterday I needed to know we were okay before I spoke with you. To be honest, maybe I wanted to stick it to you as well. You were an ass yesterday - you know that right?" I take a seat and we stare off at each other.

"Excuse me?"

"Which part didn't you hear? The boyfriend part?" I tilt my head and smile.

"Look Erin, if you want to play house rather than be in this unit go right ahead. You know where the door is."

"Don't be sexist. You and I both know I'm a damn good cop and guess what Hank? Women cops can have relationships too."

Hank just stares at me with an eyebrow raised challenging me.

"Let me get this straight… male cops can date, they don't get distracted by relationships? But female cops…. Their only options are play house or be a cop? What? If they are in a relationship then suddenly they are distracted or incompetent? Women can do what men can do, so stop with the double standards. Answer this. If I was a male and you took me in as a teenager would you still tell me to not get involved with my partner? Or if I wasn't like a daughter would you have cared if Jay and I got together?"

The office is silent and I want to keep ranting, my anger levels high. The hypocrisy and double standards mind numbing.

"You want to date a cop? There are plenty of others out there Erin."

"I want Jay." I tell him defiantly.

"Then transfer out."

"If that's what you want then transfer me. I'm not breaking up with Jay. But before you do explain to me how you offered Burgess my spot when she's dating Adam? Whether she was shot or not, you were going to over look it. But not with me."

"I trust her and Adam to be professional."

"Really? I don't buy that. Not one bit. Sorry to say but they aren't the picture of professionalism at work. Jay and I? We have always been - both when we were fighting our feelings and for the last month we were together. We don't let it take the focus away from our work, we don't bring arguments from home here and we don't let it distract us. Our partnership hasn't faltered. This is about you and me." I stare at him waiting for an answer.

"You would really give up this unit for him?" He finally asks.

"Yes. I love him." Hanks eyes widen and then he stares into my eyes searching for the truth.

When sixty long seconds pass and he still hasn't found the answers he's looking for in my gaze I open my mouth again.

"Life's short Hank, we know this more than most with what we see every day. With our jobs… there is no guarantees. It's not exactly a safe profession. I want to spend every moment I can being happy, especially after all the pain in my life I just want to be happy and loved. I want to spend every moment I can with the man who makes me happy, not fighting it or wishing what if… or saying 'maybe one day'. One day might not come if I keep saying that. Jay makes me happy. I don't want to waste anymore time apart…" Hank lets out a loud sigh as he stares at me.

"Alright then."

"Alright?" I lean forward confused.

"You get one chance. Don't let me catch you being unprofessional."

"Wait. What? That was a damn quick turn around."

"I want you happy Erin. I've watched you continue to date guys you know you won't fall for. Which means they can't hurt you. You're fighting for Jay, which means it's real between you too. You've found someone to make you happy and your fighting for it…"

My mouth is open and I'm blinking in confusion.

"From the moment I saw you both I knew it was different… but I kept pushing you apart. I didn't want either of you hurt… Jay would be hurt if you got close and pushed him away. You had the potential to be hurt because you had the potential to love him. I won't lie, I'm concerned about the partnership and unit but I will admit you have been keeping it professional. As your father Erin I'm happy you have Jay. He knows about your past and he accepts you. Good and bad and he treats you right. That boy loves you. I see that. He's a great guy and a great cop and I'd be happy to welcome him into this family one day…" Hank is smirking by the end and my cheeks flame.

"Whoa. Slow down there, no one said anything about marriage."

"Yet." His smirk is still there and I know it's his way of leaving the anger and heaviness behind.

"Thanks Hank." I whisper and stand up; he gets up aswell and embraces me in a tight hug.

"I love you kid."

"I love you too Hank."

"Good, now go home to the man you love. I'm sure Jay is freaking out." He chuckles as he releases me.

 **A/N: Let me know your thoughts :) I'm thinking of a second chapter to show Erin going home to Jay. Let me know if you would like me to continue.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I obviously don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Wow. Thank you so much for all the reviews. I'm blown away. I've had a really long and stressful day at work but wanted to get this up for you. I haven't really proof read it so hopefully it's okay.**

 **You may recognise some lines, I like to throw some Chicago PD lines in there. Also, I mentioned Burgess and Ruzek last chapter because it really annoyed me Season 2 how Hank would pardon them and Not Erin and Jay. When let's face it, we know who the more professional and solid couple is... okay I'm done talking now lol**

 **Enjoy :-)**

What If… Part 2

My smile is glued to my face all the way home, both because I know Hank approves of my choice and also because the man who makes me happiest is waiting for me.

The man I love is at home waiting for me.

My keys enter the lock on my apartment door and I enter quietly, I stand there and watch as Jay sits down on the couch and puts his head in his hands.

He then stands back up and runs a hand through his already disheveled hair as he begins pacing in front of the TV. His hands go in his pockets and he's shaking his head.

I can't help but giggle as he anxiously removes his hands from the confines of his pockets and runs them back through his hair before sitting down on the couch again.

His head snaps around to look at me and he pushes back off the couch.

I approach him with a smile on my face and reach up with one hand to run it through his hair to smooth it out. His body is rigid and his hands are on his hips.

When I see his eyes searching my face for some sort of clue I drop my hand to caress his cheek. He automatically leans into it and places a kiss on my wrist.

I feel his body relax as his hands drop from his hips to mine and pulls me against him gently.

Our eyes connect and he pulls me in for a searing kiss, it's only been 24 hours since we ended things but it feels like months. His kisses are desperate and burning, almost like he's trying to capture this moment to remember forever, making the most of this time before I push him away again.

My hands wrap around his neck and his circle my waist as our bodies are pulled flush against the others. His tongue slips into my mouth and I welcome him eagerly as my back arches.

When we finally pull apart we are breathing heavily and I keep my eyes closed savoring the moment.

I feel Jay's body become rigid again and he takes a step back as my eyes fly open.

"Relax, Jay." I whisper as I take a step towards him.

"I can't. I haven't been able to turn my thoughts off." His hand runs back through his hair and all I want to do in this moment is take him to bed.

"I would think these kisses tonight are pretty clear." His eyes are vulnerable and he raises an eyebrow in that adorable way of his.

"The possibilities are endless Erin, I know this could go any way." My heart aches at his admission.

"I'm sorry." I whisper and my voice cracks as tears spring to my eyes.

Jay just nods as he blinks back his own tears before sighing loudly; he takes a step around me and makes his way to the door.

A tear slips down my cheek and I stand here shell-shocked.

'"Jay." My voice is desperate and I whip around to see his back to me and hand on the door knob.

I can't let him walk out that door, if he does he maybe walking out of my life for good.

"It's okay Erin, I understand."

"No, you don't." We stand there in silence until he turns around to face me.

"I'm sorry for pushing you away last night… for always pushing you away. I'm sorry I've kept you at a distance and I'm sorry that you have been here freaking out all night. Most of all I'm sorry for giving you reason to worry about what I'm going to say to you."

"Erin, what are you saying?" His voice is hopeful as he closes the distance between us.

"Isn't it obvious you idiot? Don't get stupid on me now Jay." He cracks a smile as I smirk and raise an eyebrow.

"No. You're good at undercover." I chuckle and roll my eyes.

"You mean lying, then yeah. I'm very good at hiding my feelings. I'll give you that."

Jay has a matching smirk on his face and I fall more in love with him.

"Last night I freaked out, I didn't want to disappoint Hank but more importantly I was terrified of ruining us somewhere down the line. So I used Hank as an excuse to run away. I'm not good at relationships but you make me want to try anyway." Jay is patiently waiting for me to gather my thoughts and finish.

"Last night, I couldn't sleep. I just kept wishing you were next to me and it hit me. That's how it was going to be now. We would work together and sure, maybe we would still be able to hang out friends but we wouldn't be coming home together. You wouldn't be holding me in your arms anymore. So I decided to tell Hank and take the consequences." I take a deep breath and blink back tears.

"But I just had to know if this was still a possibility before I quite possibly ruined my relationship with Hank or let my career take a hit. Turns out I didn't ruin us."

"Erin…" He whispers my name as his hands find my waist and my hands rest on his biceps.

"What did Hank say? Am I being transferred? Are you? Are we both?" Jay's questions hit me in quick succession.

"No." A gentle smile is on my face as I step forward so our bodies are touching again.

I press a kiss to the corner of his lips and his tug up in a smile.

"Is your relationship with Hank in trouble?"

"No." His lips are in a full smile now.

"Are you sure about this Erin?"

"What? You don't want it?" All my insecurities from my whole life come rushing back. Everyone always leaves.

I never thought Jay would.

"What? No. Of course I want this Erin. More than I've wanted anything in my entire life. But what about Hank?"

"Don't worry about Hank, he's okay."

"You owe him your life Erin, _I_ owe him your life. My life even… because he bought you to me and the moment I met you changed my life."

"Hanks okay with it Jay." I repeat again.

"Are you sure? Because I can live with the promise of one day. I just need to have you in my life, even if it's just as a partner and friend."

"Wouldn't you rather have me as a partner and girlfriend?" His eyes widen and I know I've shocked him.

This past month we have been together without a label. I know he's never mentioned the word girlfriend to keep me from pulling away.

"Well I mean if that's an option…" I smile up at him and lean up to capture his lips in a kiss full of longing and love.

"Truthfully Jay, I don't want to live with the possibility of 'one day' hanging over us. We might not get a 'one day' with our jobs… who knows what's going to happen. I would rather have this now then hoping for one day. I don't want to leave this world without having loved you and been loved by you. I don't want to hold off telling you I love you until it's too late. Because I do love you, I'm completely in love with you Jay. There isn't going to be anyone else for me."

Jay's lips fuse with mine and his hands wrap around my waist, his kisses are long and deep. He pulls away, our lips still touching and I look into his blue eyes which are sparkling in relief and happiness.

"God, I love you too Erin. More than you can know." His lips are on mine again and his tongue slips into my mouth.

"Oh, I think I have any idea." My words are muffled between kisses and Jay starts backing me towards my bedroom.

"You know how I know Hanks okay with this?" I barely manage to get out, however this peaks his interest and Jay pulls away to stare at me waiting for me answer.

"He said he would be happy to welcome you into the family one day." My eyebrow is raised again and I'm smirking at Jay whose mouth is hanging open.

"I don't know if I'm more shocked he said that or that you're not running away at the idea of marriage."

"Oh I would totally run away from the idea of marriage… unless it was with you." I whisper the last words, my voice huskier than usual filled with love and lust for the man standing before me.

I giggle as his hands slide down over my ass and lift me up without effort.

My legs wrap around his waist and my arms around his neck, my hands pulling through his messy hair as he continues his way to the bedroom.

He gently places me on the bed before removing my shoes and throwing them to the floor, he toes out of his own shoes before climbing on top of me.

"You mean the world to me Erin Lindsay." He places another kiss on my lips before trailing down my neck.

"Thank you for not running away." His whispers into the crook of my neck.

"I'm done running. I'm finally home."

 **A/N: I hope you enjoyed, please let me know your thoughts.**

 **Someone mentioned maybe a chapter of Hank having a chat to Jay ;-) Let me know how many want to see that and I'll try to whip something up. Otherwise if you have any requests you want to see juts let me know.**

 **Thank you for reading :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: So this chapter was supposed to be Hank and Jay's chat but this sort of got away from me. You will still get Hank and Jay's chat but will have a couple chapters first. Enjoy :)**

What If… Part Three

"So where's your man anyway?" Hank lifts his drink and swirls it around.

"My man?" My eyebrow rises in question, a smirk on my face.

"What? Do you have more than one?" I roll my eyes at Hank as he takes a drink.

"At home probably."

"His or yours?" Hank fires out another question.

"Mine I think, why?" my eyebrow rises again.

"Hmmm. _Home_. You guys seem to be moving quick."

"We're not living together Hank." I chug my drink down desperately needing it, sensing the direction of the conversation.

"So tell me, how many nights is he at your place? Or you his?" Hank has his own smirk as he looks at me.

"Most. Why do you care?"

"Seems to me like you are practically living together. I bet that boy is dying to make it official." Hank orders two more drinks.

"Doubt it."

"Maybe. He's probably still so shocked I gave my blessing for you to play house." I glare at Hank.

"What did I say about sexist remarks?"

"Right, sorry." He raises his hands, palms towards me.

"Truthfully, he's probably shocked I said 'I love you' and haven't pushed him away yet." I avoid Hanks eyes as I reveal the truth that still gnaws at me.

"Yet?" Hank's voice is gentle.

"I'm scared." I shrug a little.

"Erin, you have nothing to be scared about. That boy loves you more than anything in this world. It's plain as day. Nothing you say or do can change that."

"Nothing I do… but what about things I've done." I feel the stinging in my eyes and I blink rapidly make the tears disappear.

"He has a pretty good idea, he knows some and the rest… when you tell him. He'll still accept you. That won't change."

"Yeah, but will he still look at me the same?" I bite my lip and think.

Jay looks at me with such intensity at times that it takes my breath away. His looks convey his love and his awe of me. It's hard to understand exactly what he sees.

"I guarantee the way he looks at you won't change." Hank is confident in his assertion.

"I don't know if I want to tell him." I admit with a sigh.

"It's up to you, he's patient. Do you want him to move in?" Hank is on fire with these questions tonight.

He's provoking thoughts and statements I've been hiding from, Jay and I have been really good these last few months. It's better than I ever could have imagined.

Hank and Jay still butt heads at work but at the end of the day Hank is still my dad and Jay is still my boyfriend.

I end every night laying beside the man I love and hearing him whisper his love for me and wake up every morning to his beautiful blue eyes staring at me and his fingers tickling my skin or tangling in my hair.

"Yes." I finally whisper knowing I wouldn't trade those moments for anything.

"Then ask him." Hank finishes another drink and turns to face me fully.

"When are you gonna bring him around?" I shoot a side ways glance at Hank.

"Why?" My defenses are up.

"So I can meet the boyfriend obviously. Dad to future son in law."

"Shut up. Besides, you already know him." My eyes roll back and I shake my head.

"Not as your boyfriend, we keep it professional at work and you haven't invited him to any of our nights."

"Can't imagine why." I mutter under my breath, full intending Hank to hear it.

"Things are getting serious, you're gonna ask him to move in so we need to get to know each other outside of work."

"Stop saying that, I may ask him to move in. Stop pushing me towards the altar."

"Somebody has to. I'm sure Jay will eventually, when he's at his wits end of waiting. But for now, he's being the perfect gentleman."

"Fine. Dinner. When?" I finally agree, begging for a change of subject.

Picturing myself in white. Imagining myself as a wife fills me with anxiousness.

Terror fills me when I think of being a mother, damaging my children like my parents did me. I push the thoughts to the back of my mind knowing Jay wants a family one day so I'll need to deal with my issues at some point.

"Sunday. My place." Hank puts some money on the counter to cover our drinks.

"Sunday dinner? We haven't done that since…" I trail off getting misty at the though.

"Camille. I think it will be nice to bring back, especially now that the family is growing. More people to share the love and happy memories with. Along with creating some new ones. What do you say?"

"Sounds perfect." I can't refuse Hank when he gets soft, especially when he speaks of Camille with so much love.

"I'll even see if Justin and Olive can come with little Daniel."

Hank kisses the side of my head and whispers 'think about it' before leaving the bar.

"Hey babe." I call as I enter my apartment and throw my coat and keys to the side.

"Hey. How was it?" Jay's eyes flicker to mine off the game he's watching but only briefly.

"Good." I let out a throaty chuckle at his antics before locking my gun away and joining him on the couch, digging myself into his side.

He places a kiss on my forehead and I let my mind wander wonder as I distractively watch the game.

After a while I sit up slightly and rest my right arm on the back of the couch and stare at the side of Jays face.

His hand is soothingly rubbing my right leg which is thrown over his left and he takes a swing of his beer before resting it on his thigh.

"You know, Hank asked about you." I'm not quiet sure what I want him to say in reply, he sends me a confused look before turning back to the game.

"What about?" He finally asks.

I let out a sigh as I think back and try to determine what to say.

 _That I should ask you to move in with me._

 **A/N: I know that's so mean, but it's late and I have a big day at work tomorrow. Review and I'll get the next chapter up - Erin and Jay's conversation. :)**

 **After Jay and Hank finally have that talk I'm thinking of continuing and writing about a few big steps/ moments in Linsteads relationship. I'm sure you can guess them, but leave a review if there is something specific you would like to see.**

 **Thank you for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I don't owner Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Thanks for the reviews, hope there aren't too many mistakes - I'm really hungover today.**

 **Enjoy :-)**

What if… Part Four

 **Previously:**

" **You know, Hank asked about you." I'm not quiet sure what I want him to say in reply, he sends me a confused look before turning back to the game.**

" **What about?" He finally asks.**

 **I let out a sigh as I think back and try to determine what to say.**

 _ **That I should ask you to move in with me.**_

"Does it bother you?" I ask instead, completely thrown by my last thought and feel my heart racing at just the thought of uttering those words.

"What? That Hank asked about me?" Jay is really confused now and turns his head to look at me.

"When I don't invite you out with Hank and I." My eyes trail his face as I study him intently.

"No." He shrugs before turning back to the TV.

I could sense hesitation in his voice and the diversion of his eyes confirms my suspicions.

"Jay." I barely whisper.

"Sometimes." He shrugs again not looking at me, his hand is still on my leg but no longer tracing an imaginary pattern.

"I'm sorry." I whisper and move my left hand to cover his now still hand on my thigh.

He just shrugs again and takes a drink.

"Why didn't you tell me?" My tone is quiet and I try not to be offended when he scoffs.

"You thought I would freak out." I answer for him.

"About sums it up. You know, given your track record." His voice is quiet and I know he's not trying to upset me.

"You're right. I should have asked you, I don't have a good reason. I was scared. Because you two in the same room as boyfriend and father will…"

"Make it all too real for you?" Jay finishes, a touch of hurt in his voice.

"Move things along. Sure, he approves of us now but what if… he sees something he doesn't like?"

"Erin." Jay's tone is serious and his eyes searching mine.

I should be thankful he's no longer avoiding eye contact but I'm not. I feel naked and exposed when he stares right into my soul.

"I'm scared he will tell you stories. Or Justin will… that things will slip out. About my past… things I'm not ready for you to know. Things I may never be ready to tell you about." My yes drop to our joined hands waiting for Jay to speak.

"Erin." He whispers and his thumb begins its soothing movements on my thigh again.

"I don't want to lose the way you look at me Jay. It would break my heart to see that change."

"That will never happen. I will always love you, support you and accept you. The good and the bad, nothing you tell me will change anything. You're the one, Erin. I'll always look at you like you're my whole world. Because you are."

I start shaking my head as a tear falls.

"Don't." I whisper brokenly.

"Don't what, Erin?"

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"I can keep this Erin. You know another promise I will keep? I'll never leave you. Ever. So get use to me being here, I'm not going anywhere."

He leans in and presses his lips to mine in a chaste but sweet kiss.

"How do you know?" I finally whisper.

"Because I love you. Everything about you, your smile, the way you roll your eyes, your laugh, your heart and warmth… your generosity and strength. The fact you don't see yourself clearly breaks my heart. I want to punish everyone in your life who ever made you question your worth or make you think you aren't good enough. Because you are. You're the best person I've ever met. You deserve the world, and I'm going to give it to you."

His eyes are sparkling blue and full of sincerity and love.

We change positions until I'm straddling him and I lean down to press my lips against his in a passionate kiss.

"I love you." I whisper against his lips and smile when he says it back.

"You really promise?" I ask as I pull back to look at him.

"Yes."

"You're amazing Jay Halstead, you know that right?"

"Well you deserve amazing Erin Lindsay, so I hope so."

We share another sweet kiss.

"You can tell me anything okay, babe? Just know that."

I nod softly before licking my lips.

"You're always here for me."

"You've been there for me before." Jay tells me before tucking hair behind my ear.

"You ask me how I just know nothing you tell me will change how I look at you? I've done things too Erin, things I'm not proud of."

"It won't change anything for me, whatever you have to tell me." I bring my hand up to cup his cheek.

"I know. I'm not worried you will look at me different… I've just pushed the memories down so far. I don't like to think about that time in my life…" He gets a haunted look in his eyes I wish I could take away.

"Hey…what you went through and what you carry is real." I place a hand over his beating heart and stare into his tortured eyes.

"And you know that if you ever need my help carrying it, you just have to ask me."

"Maybe one day." He promises me.

"Maybe one day." I promise him back.

I'm sitting in bed watching Jay brush his teeth in the ensuite and I smile at how right this feels, how domesticated.

"Hanks wants you to come for dinner." Jay coughs up toothpaste at my sudden statement and I can't help but giggle.

"Dinner?" He finally asks as he climbs into bed and pulls me into his side.

"Uh huh. Dinner. Wants to get to know you as my boyfriend." I place a kiss on his lips to keep the phrase Hank actually used from spilling out.

 _Future son in law._

"How do you feel about it?" He raises an eyebrow in that attractive way of his recalling our earlier conversation.

"I brought it up didn't I?"

We are silent as I wait for him to speak.

"Yes, I want you to come. I think it will be nice." I finally speak when it's clear he is looking for more.

"Okay. When?" His reply is so simple and care free.

I'm envious of his ease with commitment.

"Sunday."

" _Sunday_ dinner? With the family?" His voice now seems anxious as he stares at me with wide eyes.

He knows stories of Sunday dinners I had with Camille, knows the importance.

I smirk in return satisfied he's not always at ease with commitment and taking the next step.

I don't know how Sunday dinner will turn out, I don't know what secrets will be told and I don't know what the future will bring.

But I do know one thing; tonight I'm falling asleep in the arms of the man I love.

 **A/N: Okay, so next up Sunday Dinner and talk between Jay and Hank.**

 **I'm open to suggestions on anything you want to see happen at this dinner.**

 **Leave a review if you can. Thank you.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Excuse any mistakes, I typed it up on my phone... Enjoy :)**

What If… Part Five

"Oh this is stupid. You've already met him." I rub my hand tiredly against my forehead.

"Yeah, but now we're dating. It's different-wait this was your idea." Jay gives me a side glance.

"Actually it was Hanks." I fire back.

"That's not at all comforting." Jay throws his head back against the car seat.

"I'm the one who needs comforting."

"How did you land on that?" He tilts his head and lifts an eyebrow.

"Stop it."

"What?" His eyebrow shoots higher with his confusion.

"The eyebrow thing. It makes me want to rip your clothes off and take you to bed. Which isn't a feeling I need before we walk in to see Hank. Officially. Together."

"Ignoring that little outburst of helpful information… which I will save for later…" I can't help but let a giggle escape.

"If anyone has cause to freak out here - it's me. You're his little girl and I'm the guy who he's butted heads with a lot. That he never wanted with you."

"Oh please. He loves you." I roll my eyes recalling the night at the bar with Hank where he practically encouraged me to ask Jay to move in with me. Or marry me. Or both.

"I've seen no such evidence." Jay shakes his head and scrunches his brows together.

We sit there in silence, my knuckles gripping the wheel so tight they are white.

"Erin, babe. Talk to me. Why are you freaking out? Is this all too much? Too soon?" Jay's tone is worried and he reaches a hand out to touch my thigh.

"No. I want this. All of it. I'm just... scared." I admit quietly.

"Why?"

"That you will find out something that... will send you running." My voice is quiet but you can hear the fear clear as day.

"Erin they aren't going to spill your secrets, I can't see that happening."

"Maybe not on purpose. Well, Justin might... he never liked you." I mention with a shake of my head.

"Still not helping."

I can't help but crack a small smile.

"Hey, babe. Look at me."

Jays hand reaches up to remove my death grip from the steering wheel and turns my head to face his.

Our eyes find each other and I'm instantly calmed.

"I love you. More than anything and I'm not going anywhere. No mater what they say. How they treat me. What I find out, I'm here. Always. I'm always going to be right here. With you. There is nothing you can't tell me. Nothing you can't trust me with."

I press my lips against Jays desperately trying to convey my gratitude. We pull apart and I search his eyes, trying to find any ill intentions. All I can see is honesty and love.

His blue eyes are sparkling and I reach up to run my fingers over the crinkles next to his smiling eyes.

This man in front of me is perfect.

"Okay. Let's go." I say more for my benefit then his.

I give him one final kiss, stealing all the strength I can.

Our hands find each other's outside of the car and we walk up to the front door, I use my keys to let us in.

"Hey, we're here." I call out as Jay drops my hand.

Hurt touches my heart for a split second, until his warm arm wraps around my shoulder and pulls me close. I feel the hurt disappear as he places a kiss to my forehead and slips his hand from my shoulder to my waist.

"Erin, Jay." Hank smiles as he walks towards us and wraps me in a hug, temporarily separating jay and I.

He then shakes Jays hand and pulls him in for a man hug.

Jays arm instantly seeks my waist again as they exchange pleasantries.

I try and take deep breaths as we move into the lounge room, I twist my hands nervously as Hank offers us a beer, we both nod in thanks and Hank disappears.

We sit on the couch silently; Jays arm across my shoulders and my left hand resting on his thigh tapping impatiently.

Hank walks back in, hands us our drinks and sits in the arm chair across from us.

I expect a comment about our position on the couch or a look showing his disapproval. All I get is a kind smile as he takes us both in.

"So Jay, what are your intentions with my daughter?"

Jay coughs up his beer and my eyes are wide in humiliation.

Hanks loud laugh interrupts the moment of shock.

"I'm sorry, I couldn't resist."

Jay let's out a chuckle and I just glare at Hank, feeling my cheeks taint pink.

"Not funny." I mumble grumpily.

"It was kinda funny" Jay agrees with another laugh, I feel his chest shake under my shoulder.

I glare at him in return.

"This better not turn into a team up against me." I almost pout at them.

Almost.

"Never." Jay sends a smile and wink my way.

"But where's the fun in that?" Hank tells us with a smirk.

"But I am actually curious, you two kids gonna move in together?" Hank is staring directly at me, challenging me to respond. Jay shifts uncomfortably in his seat.

We hear the front door open and I breath a sigh of relief at the interruption. Hank gets up to greet Justin and Olive and little Daniel while Jay and I collect our thoughts.

I shake my head and turn to look at Jay.

"What the hell is going on?"

Jay just smiles and shakes his head, either completely unsure or in amusement at my reaction to it all.

We get up to join Hank at the front door and I pull Justin in for a hug before turning to Olive and doing the same.

"Justin, Olive. This is my boyfriend, Jay."

I can practically hear the shock vibrate around the room when I give him that title.

"Jay, this is Justin and Olive."

"We've met." Justin's reply is simple and short as he stares Jay down.

"Whatever. If I recall correctly, last time you were an ass. Try and avoid repeating that." I glare at Justin and he raises his hands in surrender.

Hank and Justin share a look before Justin shakes his head offers his hand to Jay.

Olive offers a smile and a quiet 'hey' when I turn my attention to Daniel.

"Hey baby boy." My smile is large and I place a kiss on his soft cheek.

I scoop him from Hanks arms and hold him close, using the warmth I reserve only for kids.

"Jay this is Daniel. Only the cutest kid in the world. Daniel this is Jay. Say hi."

I grab his tiny hand and wave it at jay before proceeding to speak to Daniel and walk him into the living area and taking a seat on the couch waiting for the others to follow.

When Jay walks back into the room I notice a look in his eyes as he watches me with Daniel.

He comes to sit back next to me and places a hand on my thigh. Daniel drools and I reach around to wipe it away before placing a palm gently on the top of his head smoothing back his wispy hair.

Jay's still looking at us and I notice a shift in his gaze. I can't quite place the look and it makes me a little uncomfortable.

"So, who's hungry?" Hank yells out, saving me from Jay's intense stare.

I look at the time on my phone and internally groan when I realise it's barely been fifteen minutes. I haven't left the dinner unscathed yet.

 **A/N: I've written the outline for the dinner and Jay's talk with Hank but just haven't gotten it exactly how I want yet. But I didn't want to leave you handing so posting the dinner in parts. Let me know what you think and if there is anything you want to see happen.**

 **Review if you can :)**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Okay, this is turning out longer than I expected but I can't seem to stop myself. Hope you enjoy :)**

What If… Part Six

"Erin was always such a trouble maker. I remember one time she snuck a boy into her room, knowing Hank would lose it if he found out."

I roll my eyes at Justin's story and stab my chicken in loudly knowing exactly where this story is going.

"Hank went to wake her up the next morning for school and as he opens her bedroom door, this guy is half way out the window to climb down." Just can't control his laughing so Hank happily picks the story up.

"Erin panicked when she heard the door open and shoved the guy the rest of the way out the window. She then turned to me innocently, as if I didn't just see some guy flying out her window. The guy broke his arm, but never came around here again. Got less than he deserved."

My eyes stay on my plate, embarrassment consuming me as I refuse to make eye contact with anyone.

"She was grounded for a month!" Justin's laughs have settled enough to chime in again.

I know this isn't a shameful secret and it's not one that will scare Jay off. It's nothing dark or angst filled, but it's awkward.

While we both know we have had other partners and relationships I don't like to think about his, I can't imagine he would like to think about mine.

My mind drifts back to seeing his arms wrapped around the red head at the district and I can recall the jealously I felt.

Despite my feelings I played it cool, in return Jay played my thing with Kelly cool too.

Back then I second guessed the chemistry between us, always wondering if it was one sided.

Jays hand slides onto my lap and into my hand and I smile softly.

His hand squeezes mine before he brings it up to his lips and places a gentle kiss on my fingers.

"So Justin, how you finding the military?" Jay asks changing topics and saving me from further adolescent embarrassment.

"A lot of hard work. But I'm glad I'm doing it. You served right?"

"Yeah." Jays reply is short and welcomes no further conversation.

"I thought I heard Dad say something of the sort." Justin continues.

"See some action?" Justin presses, not getting the hint.

"Uhh. Yeah. I was a ranger in Afghanistan. Did a couple tours." Jays grip tightens on my hand and I contemplate stepping in.

I look over to Hank for assistance when Jay's hand begins fidgeting in my lap; I give his hand a comforting squeeze before running my thumb over his hand soothingly reassuring him I'm right here.

"Impressive." Justin nods before drinking more beer.

"Jay served his country. He's a good man." Hank chimes in, seeming to sense Jay's tension and wanting to ease it.

"I asked around about you, when I found out you were dating Erin."

"Justin." My voice is sharp and short and a warning for Justin to drop this.

"A few seemed to know you… and a Mouse? They have some stories. Tell me your nickname was Legend… had over sixty confirmed kills." Justin is starting Jay down and Hank and I are glaring at Justin.

Jay barely shrugs and goes rigid in his seat; the posture of an uncomfortable military man who radiates respect anyway.

"Justin that's enough ok?" My voice is soft and I give him a pleading look, not wanting this to blow up.

"I'm just making conversation Erin, if your boyfriend can't handle this then how can he handle your past?"

Justin face is full of regret and shock as soon as the words slip past his lips.

"Erin I'm sorry, I didn't mean-"

"It's fine." My voice is hard and cold.

I feel shame and embarrassment and would remove my hand from Jay's but I can sense he needs the comfort. He comes first, before any shame consuming me from the memories Justin is speaking of.

"Respectfully Justin, I don't like to think about that time. I did things, I saw things... and I lost good friends. Good men that will never come home to their loved ones. It took me time to move on, they gave their life for mine so I wasn't going to waste it sitting at home letting the shadows eat away at me. Erin doesn't like to speak of her past or bring it up and I understand that but I can certainly handle anything she ever wishes to tell me. Whether or not I'm comfortable talking about my time overseas has nothing to do with the kind of man I am. Or the kind of man I am to Erin."

"You're right, I apologize." Justin reaches his hand over as a peace offering.

Jay releases mine momentarily to shake it; his hand seeks mine again immediately.

After a few awkward and tense moment and false starts the conversation eventually finds a natural flow again.

We relax, enjoy ourselves and share laughs over good food and beer.

"Erin, can we please talk?" Justin's voice is hesitant and I nod once before following him into the living area.

"I'm sorry Erin. I was an asshole. Disrespectful and... I'm sorry. No excuses."

"I'm so mad at you right now Justin, I've never brought a guy home and when I do… that's how you treat him? You made him so uncomfortable and dredged up difficult memories for him. His military past still weighs heavily on him, he's a good man Justin." I shake my head, trying to keep my tears at bay.

"You're completely right. I'll speak to him, really apologize to him."

"You hurt me too, you basically said who can possibly handle my past? Who could accept my baggage and love me anyway? If a man as amazing, kind and strong as Jay can't, who has seen so much… if he can't handle it – who possibly can? Or is that it? He's too good for me? Should I aim lower? God Justin, I already think I'm not good enough." Tears slip down my cheeks and I hate myself for crying.

"No, no, no. God no. I'm an ass ok. I just want him to be good enough for you, and I want him to be okay with your past... I wanted to force the conversation about it now before you fall too hard, because if you tell him then and he bails… you would be crushed and I would hate to see you hurt… or to relapse. You have never been this serious about someone before and I freaked."

"Okay I get it. I'm not happy but I get it." I finally admit, not wanting to fight anymore.

"Like I said I'm an asshole. And stupid. Besides Jay isn't going anywhere. I see that now. He's good for you." Justin rests a hand on my shoulder.

"Maybe." I mumble and shrug.

"He isn't going anywhere Erin, trust me. The way he looks at you… he's good for you, not _too_ good for you. I'm glad you're happy."

Justin pulls me in for a hug and I smile now that we have cleared the air.

"I love you." He whispers.

"I love you too, bro."

We part ways as Jay walks in.

"Can we have a minute?" I nod to Justin and leave the room, squeezing Jay's arm on the way.

Knowing it's wrong I hide around the corner to listen in, before they begin I feel a tug on my arm and jump out of my skin.

I whip around to see Hank and glare at him and his smug smirk.

"Erin." He raises an eyebrow.

"Shh. I want to listen."

"Me too, scoot over." I roll my eyes and focus back on Jay and Justin.

"Look dude, I was way out of line." Justin starts off.

"Nah man it's okay. I get where you were coming from. I don't respect it but I understand why you did it."

"She's had a hard life Jay, things you can't possibly know. Between abuse growing up, her mum being an addict, drugs… and falling in with Charlie… who ran her for-"

"Stop man. With respect, just stop." Jay stops Justin abruptly and I'm so mortified that I flinch when Hank places a hand on my shoulder.

I hold my breath waiting for Jay's next words, part of me wondering if he will cut and run while he can.

"I only want to hear about Erin's past from her. When she's ready to tell me then I'll hear it. I'm not comfortable doing this behind her back… I won't do it behind her back. I'll know what she tells me and nothing from anyone else."

My heart swells at Jay's words and I can practically feel Hank's happiness radiating around the room.

"He's a good man, kid." I smile at Hank's whispered words.

"Okay. I just need to know you will accept her and love her despite her past. Because she's amazing." Justin replies.

"Oh, I do. She's the most amazing woman I've ever met. The strongest person I've ever met, nothing she could tell me would send me running. I'm in this until the end. Look, I know some stuff from working with her and picking up on things… and from her opening up and revealing parts of herself to me. If all that isn't enough to convince you then I've also seen her CI file too, so I know some of it. But more importantly, I know Erin Lindsay. I know who she is and I love that person. That won't change."

"Alright man. I'm sorry, I'm happy for you guys. Thank you for making her happy and having her back." I lean back against the wall not knowing how to feel about their conversation.

Hank pushes me towards the room and I blink away tears while avoiding eye contact.

Jay comes over and pulls me close, his fingers lift my chin and he leans down to give me a gentle kiss.

In his arms I find the courage to look up and meet his eyes, he's smiling down at me and I can't help but smile back.

He leans down until his lips are at my ear.

"I love you babe." He places a kiss below my ear before pulling back; winking at me and then pulling me close again.

"I love you too." I whisper into his chest, full aware of the audience.

"Alright guys, I think I'm going to put Daniel down for the night." Olive comes out of the kitchen with Daniel and I pull away from Jay.

"I'll come with." I walk over and grab Daniel from her arms, not ready for our bonding to end.

"Great, Justin you start cleaning up. I want to have a talk with Jay." Hanks voice leaves no room for argument and I cast a glance over to Jay as I make my way upstairs with Olive and Daniel.

I see Jay gulp before nodding once at Hank, his eyes wide and unsure.

 **A/N: I'm sorry for any mistakes. Please leave me a review and let me know your thoughts. Please excuse any mistakes about the military, I'm not really sure on the US military and didn't want to say too much and get anything wrong.  
**

 **Next up, Jay and Hank have a talk.**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: I feel pretty slack not getting this up for a while... but I've re written this four times and I just can't get it right...**

 **Try and enjoy? lol**

What If… Part 7

Jay POV

"Take a seat, Jay." Hank takes a seat on his armchair and I stiffly sit down across from him on the couch, my hands clasps together.

"I have to say I expected another side of you tonight Hank." I start off after moments of awkward silence, wanting to clear the air.

"Erin's happy. I want to support her." His reply is simple and he shrugs at me, waiting for the next question.

"Why are you suddenly ok with this?" I press for more of an explanation.

"To be honest, I use to think just like Justin. I wasn't sure you could handle all of her. Her past… her issues and I could see she was going to fall hard for you and get hurt. But, when she came to me and told me she was fighting for your relationship, I knew it was time to drop it and come to terms with you and her together. Not just because I would risk losing her, but because whatever happens to her I believe she has a better chance of staying sober with you. She has less of a chance of going off the deep end if she has you. I've seen her grow and change since she met you. I've seen how you accept all of her. You have her back. You would do anything for her, Jay."

"I would, sir. I would give my life for her. I would give up anything for her, including marriage and kids if I had to. I just want her in my life and I just want her happy and loved." Saying these words hurt because I know they are the truth. At the end of the day she is the most important person in my life, and I would let the dreams of marriage and kids go to make Erin happy.

"I know you would. But you would be surprised Jay, don't rule out marriage and kids just yet. Trust me on that. I've got your back." Hank smirks and sends a wink my way, my jaw dropping in shock.

"Look, Jay. All I'm going to say is, if you hurt her then you and I will be having a very different kind of talk. In fact if I'm being honest, there won't be any talking, if you catch my drift."

"If I ever hurt her, I deserve it." My voice is deathly serious and Hank's look shines with approval.

"She's going to push you away, Jay. She won't mean to, but she will."

"I know." My mouth releases a sigh and my eyes drop to my hands.

"That's another reason why I've given my blessing, because she's going to create enough road blocks in the relationship and I don't want to add to them. I'm giving her encouragement and pushes where I can Jay, so she can be happy."

"Thank you sir." I'm finding it difficult to correlate this version of Hank with my tough as nails Sergeant.

"I didn't want to admit it but you're good for her Jay. She's had a tough life... a lot more than you can even imagine. The things she's had to do... the guys she's been with... the way people have treated her and taken advantage of her."

"I know. It makes me so angry. I hate every one of them. God help them if I ever come across them… She doesn't know how amazing she is." Tears spring to my eyes and I try and blink them away.

"She doesn't see how beautiful she is. Inside and out. She's the most gorgeous woman I've ever met and she doesn't see it. So many people in her life have taken advantage of her and put her down. Made her feel unworthy, made her believe she isn't beautiful or special. She doesn't feel like she deserves love. Yet she would still give her life for this city... I'm going to spend every day of my life undoing all that damage. She will feel loved and special. You have my word."

Hanks nodding at me in gratitude and respect, he reaches his hands up to wipe tears from his eyes.

"You're more than I ever could have hoped for her. I'm glad she has let her guard down enough to let you in. She's really made herself think about who has her best interests at heart, who has her safety as a top concern and who has her back during the highs and lows, and it's you, Jay. She reassessed her life and worked it out, it's why she told me to accept this and she didn't care about the consequences. She's come further than even she realizes."

"Uh. Wow. I didn't..." When I trail off speechless Hank and I spend the next few moments in silence listening to the creaking floorboards form upstairs.

"Where do you land on Bunny?" Hanks question is sudden and his eyes are staring me down, elbows resting on his knees.

"I want her no where near Erin. As far as I'm concerned she brought Erin into this world. Brought her to me, but she has no right to call herself a mother."

"Good." Hank nods in approval.

"But in saying that, I would never stop Erin from seeing her or having a relationship with her. I wouldn't stop her from doing what she wants to do." The respect in my tone is obvious and Hank nods slowly.

"Besides you know her Hank, she's stubborn. No one can tell her what to do. But I will keep a close eye on any relationship she has with Bunny and I'll tell Erin what I think. But believe me, if Bunny starts pulling Erin down emotionally or tries to drag her back into that world… I sure as hell won't stand around and watch it. I'll get Bunny the hell out of Erin's life and deal with the consequences later."

"Good. I couldn't ask anything more of the man who loves my daughter."

"Thanks for your support Hank. Erin makes me happier than you could know, and I know I make her happy too."

"All I ask in return is a nice wedding and grandkids one day."

Hank's smirk returns as I splutter, once again speechless.

"What? I mean, move in and everything first. But then, I want her to have the wedding she never thought she would get. The kids she always thought she would be too screwed up to have…"

"Okay?" My tone is questioning and Hank leans back in his chair chuckling while my thoughts are racing.

 **A/N: Like I said, this is crap but review anyway and I'll try and make the next chapter better. :-)**

 **It will be Erin and Jay decompressing after dinner... maybe a scene in her bedroom at Hanks... maybe even a certain important question Hank has been bugging Erin about... ;-)**


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Don't hate me! lol Sorry for the delay, just been having so many ideas to write about lol**

 **I apologise for this chapter too... I feel I could have done a lot better.**

What If… Part 8

Erin's POV

"Hey babe, there you are." I call out as I enter my old bedroom and see Jay staring thoughtfully out the window.

"Hey beautiful… make sure you don't push me out the window." Jay smirks at me and I roll my eyes.

"Mmmm give me one good reason." I smirk back at him and raise an eyebrow.

"I can give you plenty." Jay raises his eyebrow in return and a huge smile covers my face as butterflies swarm in my stomach.

"Oh, really?"

"Really." He promises, his tone like butter.

During our banter I've closed the distance between us, he pulls me close and places a kiss to my forehead, then another on my cheek then below my ear and finally he trails them all the way down my neck.

His hands slide down from my hips to my back pockets of my jeans and he pulls me flush against him.

My lips are craving his touch and I'm panting in need, I wiggle against him trying to create friction.

"There's something about this being your teenage bedroom that's doing it for me."

A breathy laugh escapes my mouth as his lips finally claim mine.

Our kiss is desperate and passionate, our tongues finding their way together.

I pull away and stare at Jay in awe.

"What?" He tilts his head in question.

"Nothing."

"Babe." His tone is encouraging and prying and I bite my lip in thought.

"It's just... you weren't lying. You're still looking at me the same, kissing me the same... you're still here." I shrug while averting my eyes.

"Of course. I'm not going anywhere… ever." He places a kiss on my forehead and my eyes fall closed.

"Maybe. You haven't heard much of my past. But it's a start."

"Erin. Please baby I need you to trust me. I'm doing everything I possible can to let you know that I'm not going anywhere. No matter what happens I'm staying right here."

I nod slowly, finally hearing his promise and starting to believe it.

"I'm sorry." I finally whisper.

"It's okay. I love you."

"I love you too. More than you know."

"I think I have an idea Erin, because I love you more than anything or anyone in this world."

We share another kiss, my arms around his neck.

"I can't believe Hank is being so... nice. I mean, I'll admit he's been surprisingly cool with it all." I finally admit, thinking back on our time at the bar.

"But I still expected more tension tonight. I don't know…" I trail off unsure.

"Why? He loves you, you know." Jay reminds me quietly.

"I know."

"He wants to support you and he sees you're happy." Jay places a kiss in my hair and I move my arms from around his neck to hugging his back.

"I know… I know he approved and gave his blessing but I thought he would give us a hard time."

"He wants you happy. He knows you are already battling with yourself... he doesn't want to add to that"

"Oh." My voice is quiet at the new information.

"Besides I'm pretty great." Jay winks at me before leaning in close.

I can't help by roll my eyes and let out a loud laugh.

"You are pretty amazing." I lean forward the rest of the way until our lips touch.

"We had a good talk Erin. He was worried I would hurt you because he could see you were going to fall hard and he didn't know what kind of man I was... and then when he saw how... black and white I can be with certain issues. He wasn't sure I was capable of operating in the grey… of accepting you and your past. But he has seen the way I look at you and treat you and he knows I see all of you. The real you and anything you have done… it's part of you and always will be. I love every part of you Erin Lindsay."

We share another intense kiss, Jay presses me up against the window as the air between us grows hot and heavy. Jay's lips leave mine to trail down my neck, his hands finding their way under my shirt.

"What are you trying to do? Push me out the window?" I giggle as Jay's hands slide down to the curve of my ass and he picks me up.

My legs wrap around his waist as he turns us around and places me on my old bed.

"Better?" He smirks down at me and I laugh before bringing his head down, my fingers tangled in his hair.

Our tongues duel and Jay's hands cup my breasts through my bra, the passion almost making us forget we aren't alone in the house. We pull away finally; wanting nothing more than to make love right here but cautious, as we know Hank is only downstairs.

He's not that cool.

"You're going to be a great mum you know Erin." It takes all my strength to stop myself swerving the car in shock.

"What?"

"I know you were wondering what my looks were about, when you had Daniel. You have this softness and warmness that's reserved for kids alone… this tone in your voice. You want kids, I can tell. But you're afraid you won't be a good mum."

"I didn't exactly have a good role model."

"What about Camille?"

"True." I whisper.

"And you're a natural with kids Erin, so kind and reassuring. Besides you know exactly what not to do, your kids will be the luckiest and most loved."

"Our." I correct gently.

"What?"

"Our kids." Jay can't control the smile.

"Doesn't it worry you though? You really want _me_ to be the mum of your kids."

"No, it makes me incredibly happy. Our kids are going to have a kickass mum who loves them more than anything and will stop at nothing to make sure they know they are loved and nothing hurts them."

"What about the dangers we can't control."

"You can't live your life like that Erin. We see people loses spouses all the time, it doesn't man we aren't going to get married one day."

"Married?" I basically choke the word out.

"Yeah. Married. We can't live our life in fear."

"I like the sound of that."

Jay smiles at my sentence and continues staring at my face, I can't help but think this was a test.

One that maybe Hank put him up to, or put the ideas in his head.

I smile anyway, the thought of our future family more than I ever dreamed.

I'm watching Jay pull shorts from the drawers to slip into after his shower, while I lounge on the bed rubbing moisturizer on my legs.

"Most of your stuff is here." I comment randomly.

"Yeah, some of your stuff is at mine too." He deflects as he drops his towel and slips into some shorts, before searching for a shirt.

"Yeah, but most of your stuff is here. I'm not talking about a drawer of clothes and a toothbrush. You have taken half of those drawers, you brought your favorite towels over- which is weird by the way but we can talk about that later, your military medals are in the safe, you're good cook ware, your mothers jewelry..."

"Do you want me to take it back?" The hurt on Jay's face his obvious, like he sees me pulling away. He sighs thinking he's in for a long fight back to where we were during the car ride. Two steps forward, one step back.

"No, it just seems like your moving in bit by bit. Secretly. Discretely." He's shocked by my reply.

"Um." He rubs the back of his neck, redness creeping up his neck.

"I mean, you're here all the time... you're stuff is here… we haven't spent a night apart since we got together. We're rarely even at your place. You're never there… seems like a waste of money is all." We're silent as Jay searches my face for some clue as where to take the conversation.

"Nevermind." I shrug and continue rubbing the moisturizer on my legs.

"Erin?" Jay's tone holds confusion.

"Can you not see my hints? Move in with me." I burst out, shocking myself.

"What?" Jay's face is blank.

"Did you just ask me to move in with you?" Jay eyebrows rise as he searches my face.

"Depends. Tell me what you think and I'll tell you if I asked."

Jay smiles and jumps on the bed until he's tackled me.

"Yes." He whispers before attaching our lips.

 **A/N: I feel like I should aim to do another dinner scene with Jay, Hank and Erin this time where Hank and Jay can get to know each other without talking about jay's intentions etc. thoughts?**

 **:-)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I don't own Chicago PD.**

 **A/N: Sorry! Been slack with this story, but the last few chapters... let's just say I didn't love them. But this one, I feel like I'm getting my mojo back for this story. But it's late and I'm tired and stuck at the hospital so maybe I'm wrong lol**

What If Part 9

"You're not moving the TV." I shut Jay down mid ramble about 'his guy' that's 'an artist'.

"Why?"

"I like my apartment the way it is." I shrug my shoulder.

"Our apartment." He corrects me with a smirk and I roll my eyes.

" _Our_ apartment." I tilt my head back and smile against his lips.

My head rests against his bare chest as we cuddle in bed, not wanting to get up and start the day.

"I can't believe you asked me to move in." He whispers quietly, sounding afraid that it was all a dream.

"Well believe it."

"Are you sure this is what you want." He asks worried.

"Yes. Wait… are you?" It's my turn to be panicked.

"Without a doubt. Just don't want you to feel pressured or regret the decision."

"I won't… I mean I didn't plan on asking you last night but I've been thinking about it… and I want it. I want to live with you." I smile up at Jay and he leans down to attach our lips again.

"I need to pack." He groans and I smirk.

"How can you possibly have anything left there?" I tease.

"Shut up. I didn't move that much over here." I send him a look of disbelief.

"Okay I did… but I was always here. Seemed easier."

"Is that it?" I raise an eyebrow.

"I… had hoped one day we would move in together." I kiss him again before groaning when my phone rings.

"It's Hank."

"Get it, I'm going for a run." Jay kisses my forehead before getting up and grabbing some running gear.

"Hey Hank." I answer as I watch Jay get ready.

"Hey kid, thanks for dinner last night."

"It was nice." I smile as Jay waves goodbye before leaving.

"I wanted to talk to you about Jay." My heart skips a beat.

"What about him?" I ask, my heart in my throat.

"Just going over what my thoughts are now I've had a serious chat with him."

"Hank, don't take this away from me." Panic spreads through my body and my voice.

"No, Erin. It's not that."

"Oh. Good. Because I thought you approved." I sigh in relief.

"I do… even more now. He's a good man and he's sincere about his feelings for you."

"Okay, then what's the problem?"

"No problem, I'm just wanting to extend a formal invitation to family dinner every Sunday. The tradition is back and Jay's coming."

"Really?" I raise an eyebrow curious.

"Yeah. As far as I'm concerned he's family now."

"Thanks Hank." I whisper with a smile.

"Besides it will be nice to get to know him. I know the part of him that's a damn good detective in my unit, and I've had a serious talk about his relationship with you and what you mean to him and we put it all out in the open in terms of his intentions. But I want to actually get to know _him_ , and I'll do that through these dinners."

"Wow."

"Don't act surprised your old man has a heart." Hank chuckles down the phone.

"I'm not… but I took your advice." I bite my lip.

"What advice?"

"I asked Jay to move in."

"You're kidding." Hank's clearly shocked and I roll my eyes.

"No, I'm not."

"Good for you Erin. Thought it would take more pushing."

"It sort of just slipped out." I shrug my shoulder rolling over to Jay's pillow and inhaling his scent.

"But you don't regret it."

"No."

"Guess I should offer my help moving him."

"No need, we should be right." I smile as I say my goodbyes.

* * *

I'm nursing a cup of coffee when Jay returns from his run all sweaty, he comes over to me on the stool.

"Hey babe." He's panting as he places a kiss on my head.

"How was your run?"

"Good." He grabs a bottle of water before he jumps up onto the counter.

"I called my landlord, my lease is almost up so I gave him my notice."

"What are you going to do with your furniture?" I cast my eyes around my fully furnished apartment.

"Give it away. Donate it." He shrugs a shoulder.

"Good answer." I stand up before moving between his legs.

"I just need to pack my personal belongings up, won't take long." He smiles down at me.

"Most of it's here already…" I smirk and he rolls his eyes.

"Enough of that." I giggle as I reach up on my tiptoes to kiss him.

"Well let's find some boxes and move today."

"Sounds like a plan." He nods in agreement.

"Hank offered to help, I'm sure the guys would too in exchange for beer but I don't really think we need help with what we will be bringing, do you?" I bite my lip in thought while I wait for his answer.

"Nah, we've got it."

"Wait, so you told Hank?" He raises his eyebrows.

"Yeah. He's happy… also invited us both to family dinner every Sunday." A soft smile plays on my face.

"Really?"

"Which part can't you believe?" I raise an eyebrow in question.

"Both?"

"You won him over, what can I say."

"My charm and good looks won you over. That's all I care about." I lean up to kiss him again before pulling away to giggle.

"You're disgusting and sweaty."

"What you don't like that?" He jumps down and turns us around so I'm trapped against the kitchen counter.

"Not really… let's get you clean." My hands pull his shirt off, enjoying the glistening on his abs.

His head comes down and his lips find mine, his hands grabbing my ass and lifting me on the counter.

I feel his hands on my bare thighs as he pulls me to the edge of the counter, my pussy against his lower abdomen.

He pulls my singlet over my head, his lips seeking mine again and his tongue slipping in.

I shiver as his hands trail over the smooth skin of my back as he pulls our naked chests flush against the others.

I'm panting as he moves his lip across my jaw and down my neck, finding my weak spot and sucking hard.

My hands comb through his hair and pull him closer as I drop my head back.

My pussy is throbbing with want and I squirm around, my legs wrapping around Jay and pulling him even closer to create friction.

"Fuck you're beautiful." Jay pulls back to take in my flush cheeks and swollen lips.

Blue and hazel eyes stare intently, want and love shining in our gazes.

My hips jerk as his hand presses down against my aching core through my panties.

His fingers pull the panties to the side to slip two fingers in, agonizingly slow.

"You're so wet." His fingers pump in and out quickly as my eyes fall closed with passion.

My eyes fly open when he withdraws his fingers and I whimper from the loss of contact.

Jay pushes me backwards, my heart thumping wildly as my back hits the cool kitchen bench.

His hands grab the insides of my thighs before pulling them apart, the anticipation of what's to come has me dripping in need.

This time his fingers hook in the panties and pull them down my legs and over my feet before dropping them to the floor.

He's holding my thighs again, ensuring they stay wide. Subconsciously I'm fighting against his grip to bring my legs together to find some sort of release.

"Jay." It's barely a whisper, my voice catching when I see him lick my juices off his two fingers.

His hand goes back to its place on my thigh as he leans forward, my hips jerk as his tongue slides along my entrance.

My knuckles are white as my hands grip the kitchen counter to my sides, eyes closed and moans slipping through my lips.

"Fuck Jay. I need you."

He ignores me as his tongue continues to work on my pussy that is craving his penis, wishing he would slide in and drive me home.

He sucks down on my clit and I find my orgasm as Jay licks up my juices.

I sit up as he stands and grab his cheeks pulling him in harshly, our teeth clash in my haste and I move my tongue into his mouth, pushing as deep as I can.

My legs wrap around him pulling me close, my wet pussy against his bare stomach.

He moves to pull away but I don't let him, his hands finding my ass instead.

Jay picks me up and walks me through the apartment, our lips not leaving the others more than a moment here and there for a much-needed gasp of breath.

I gasp as my back hits the cold shower tiles as Jay struggles out of his pants and boxers, not leaving my embrace.

He kicks them backwards and slams the shower screen door, his hand then turning the water on hot.

I can feel the cold water splashing up against us before it turns hot, steam floating around us.

Jay moves us under the stream, my back finding the wall again.

Wet hair is matted to my neck as his lips trail kisses down there, my hands on his neck pulling him closer groaning as it results in a bite to my neck.

He pushes his penis into my pussy quickly, his lips brushing against mine again.

His thrusts are frenzied and deep, one of my feet braces against the shower screen allowing for harder thrusts and I bite down on Jay's lip when the passion gets too much.

A hiss escapes his lips as his hands grip my thighs even tighter and pulls out only to thrust back in harder than before.

I'm screaming in pleasure as I come and Jay's rocking against me before he explodes.

* * *

"You ready babe? I've picked up some boxes." Jay asks as he walks into the bedroom with his car keys still in hand.

"I don't know if I can walk. Fuck." He smirks at me and I glare in return.

He lays down on the bed besides me, his right arm propping his head up as his left hand rests on my stomach.

My eyes leave the ceiling and I turn my head to the left.

"This is the best compliment my sex has ever received." His smirk still in place.

"Where did that even come from?" He raises an eyebrow at my question.

"Christening _our_ apartment." He wiggles his eyebrows.

"I should ask you to move in more often." He chuckles before kissing me.

* * *

"What the hell is this down here?" I'm laughing as I kneel on the floor to inspect it closer, whimpering slightly at the movement.

I turn to see Jay smirking and I smile in return, eyes twinkling.

I dust the metal box off and see it has a lock; I pick it up and hold it in my hands.

Jay comes to sit in front of me, his back against his closet wall.

"Nothing."

"Jay." He sighs before putting in the code and opening the box.

"I thought your military medals are at mine already?" I raise an eyebrow confused at the contents of the box.

"Some are." He shrugs looking at the box.

"Some? Why are these separate?"

"No reason."

"Jay, talk to me." My hands trail over the medals before I reach out and grab his hand.

"I didn't do it for recognition… I don't like having them all." His tone is distant.

"You should be proud." I whisper, his hand still in mind.

"I am… of some. Some I don't deserve."

"Meaning?"

"Meaning, I got them trying to save lives I lost anyway. Bravery doesn't mean anything to me if I couldn't bring them home to their loved ones."

"Baby." His eyes are full of tears and his lips quiver before his bites down.

I crawl into his lap, my legs to one side and his arms around me.

"What you went through was real and painful Jay. If you ever need help carrying it… I'm here."

"Thank you." He kisses my forehead.

"Open up and talk to me about your time there. It might help…"

"Erin, not today. Today is supposed to be happy. I'm moving in with the woman I love. Let me enjoy it."

"Okay. I love you." I press my lips to his in a sweet kiss.

"I love you too." He whispers.

"Are these your dog tags?" I pick them up and turn my head back to his.

"Yeah."

"Why are they in here?"

"I don't know… I thought I lost them. I probably put them in here by accident one night when I couldn't sleep."

I want to pry and push for information but hold back knowing he wants today to be happy.

He grabs them from me, his thumb running over them before he slips them over my head.

"We should keep going." I get up with an exaggerated wince, wanting to see his smirk reappear. I smile when I succeed and we continue to move about the apartment packing up Jay's life as a bachelor to start his new life with me.

* * *

"Oh my god. I'm exhausted." I drop the last box with the others as Jay puts down the two boxes he's carrying.

"I bet. I wore you out this morning." He chuckles over at me.

"Yes. You did. But I'm happy to wake up to that _every_ morning now that we live together." He joins me laying on the couch and holds me close.

"I like the way that sounds." He whispers before placing a kiss on my forehead.

"I bet you do." He rolls his eyes at me.

"Not that… well that too. But the fact we _live_ together."

He kisses me sweetly, his hand going to play with his dog tags around my neck.

"Pizza for dinner?" He asks dropping them back to my chest.

"Sounds good." I reach into my pocket for my phone before submitting the order.

* * *

My eyes are trained on Jay's multiple piles of boxes around my living area and I can feel Jay's eyes on my face.

"What's up?" He asks as he chews his pizza.

I get up from the couch and walk towards one pile of boxes, tearing through them before moving to the next and doing the same.

"What are you looking for?" His tone curious.

"The receipt."

"What receipt?" He scrunches his brows up confused.

"To return you." I wink at him with a smile as I continue moving boxes.

"Ah ha." I call out as I find the box I'm looking for; I open it up and start digging through.

"What are you doing?" Jay's arms wrap around my waist from behind when I stand back up.

"This." I look down at the picture in my hands, tracing it gently with my fingers.

"Why?" Jay whispers.

"You wanted today to be happy and I want it perfect for us. You only move in with the person you love once… This has always been my apartment… we could have gotten a new one together and really made it our place. But we didn't, anyway… I just want you to feel like this is your home. I want this to be _our_ apartment. So have your stupid TV where you want it… but for now? Let's get some of your pictures up." Jay places his lips against my neck softly.

"You're amazing." He whispers softly, amazement in his voice.

"I love you." I whisper back.

"I love you too."

"Is this your mum?" I look down at the woman smiling happily in the photo, a young Jay next to her.

"Yeah." His voice is choked up.

"She's beautiful. I wish I could have met her… to have raised a son like you I bet she was amazing. I would have liked to thank her… because she's the reason you're you."

"She would have loved you Erin, she would approve."

I feel moisture on my neck, my right hand reaches up and caresses the back of his head while his arms are wrapped tightly around my waist.

I lean down again to pull another photo out.

"This is a nice one of us."

"Yeah." He agrees softly.

"I can't believe you had this in your apartment. We should take more couple photos…"

"I'd like that." I pull away to take the photos into the bedroom and place the one of us on Jay's bedside table and the one with Jay's mum on the nightstand.

My feet take me back into the living area, picking up a photo of Jay and his Ranger unit; I walk over to the bookshelf and place it down.

I pull the dog tags from around my neck and hang them over the edge of the frame.

My body turns to see Jay in front of me; he leans down softly and captures my lips in a sweet kiss.

I pull my phone from my pocket before turning in his arms; his arms are tight around my waist as his chin rests on my shoulder.

My phone snaps a memory of our first night living together, the bright lights of the city flashing in the distance.

 **A/N: Almost 3000 words and I have you smut... leave a review with your thoughts and suggestions. Suggestions are absolutely welcome for this story. :) (well pretty much all my stories, I write them down. If you don't see them straight away, they will likely come at some point lol)**

 **First Date and Jays List of Fantasies seem the two most popular stories - which do you want updated first? Or, another one of my stories?**

 **Review and I'll get you an update ASAP :)**


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